Sixth Post.

I don't even know why I named this First Blog. I think, considering what time it was, I was pretty much off my rocker from the activity and lack of sleep and thought it was what I was titling my post, not my entire blog. Joy for mistakes.

I'm posting again not out of an experience that happened with that dipshit proxy, but more of the experience I am having with you all, and what I am observing from others.

Ok. Right, so... There are a few people here on Youtube working AGAINST the proxies and Slender Man, the whole bit. You guys come to us for help, with questions, with wanting advice, or just someone to talk to. I get that, I really, really, really do. But... How the hell do expect us to help you if you don't give us details, specifics, information, give us insight to your experiences, or just flat out throw away our advice. Pardon me, you're coming to us for help, we're not coming to you, we're not wasting your time. You are coming to us and throwing away our assistance like trash. It's rather insulting, folks. Then there are even the people within the "group" within the "squad" or what-the-fuck-ever you want to label it as, quite frankly I don't give a piss, that seem to dilebrately fuck with other members. Alright, again, pardon me, but if you are going to request something or start a conversation for something than please, by all means, share. Because I'm honestly not going to play games with people/things on my own "side".

Aren't we supposed to be toasting to the same goals?

It's tiresome. I've worked with plenty of teams to know I dislike them. Sharing ideas and theories is fun, sure, but the frustration of relying on another... It's so exhausting, especially when they keep disappointing you. It's like a boyfriend or girlfriend that says they'll never cheat, and then they do, but they "make it up" so you keep them around just until they cheat again. The cycle continues.

Listen carefully:

We
Can't
Help
Each
Other
If
We
Don't
Share
With
One
Another

I feel like I'm teaching fucking children.

Oh wait--

Kidding.

Am I?

Fuck it.

On a personal note, it's nice if the few of you who have been wanting help, or those I have been speaking to regarding fighting against this enemy, want to talk to me. Considering my lack of self esteem and all (YES, I am working on it, fucking-a). But if you just set M&M's down intending to lead me in circles without me realizing it you're fucking wrong. I hate to make this a personal rant, when really it is a collective message because I'm positive everyone trying to help has gone through this/is going through it now. In fact, I've spoken to a couple that are. But it's so hard to not, because honestly, I've been helping my own sad excuse of a race for so long it is absolutely exhausting now just to think about helping them tomorrow. But it doesn't stop me, because I know that humanity isn't going to help its fucking self. And while I have no responsibilities to heal what boo-boos you all make I know that if I, or others, don't get the dis-infectent you sure as hell won't. At least, the people that have been poking and prodding my damn mind without giving me anything useful to go on.

Everything holy and unholy... I swear--

I know I'm not the most pleasant person. As of late I've been playing the "appeasing those I speak to" role. It's rather revolting. I like helping people, I just have a really hard time being nice about it. I have plenty of masks (not literally) that each serve a purpose, each a role, each a way to approach and study. But you know what? They are going into the safe. I've been honest with you all, even when wearing the "I'll listen and not bitch about your lack of explanations" mask. I'm on the verge of smashing it to pieces with glee.

I'll admit, it's a little tougher to use psychology and behavioral studies over the net. Sure, I got general vibes and the way a sentence is formed, and even by the way the person presents themselves to be. But it's still text at the end of it all, and you have to interpret that yourself. Which, again, is a bitch when it's all cryptic bullshit!

If I ever start anything related to this all it will be titled "Cryptic Bullshit"
Definitely. I like it.

Rant. Rant. Rant.

I am learning like the rest of you. I'm studying, observing, watching. Runners, I have a head start on some knowledge, I can make some pretty fine theories and guesses. Creatures, beings, proxies, whatever, I can hold my own just fine. I don't need you trying to screw with my head. Curious people, ask your damn questions, stop hovering. I don't like when people just breathe behind me.

I say this on behalf of the people with some insight and knowledge on this all. Please, runners, proxies, curious folk, whatever and whoever the hell you are, please... Give us details, give us specific information. Open your minds, let us in to help give you ideas, give you better ways to protect yourselves and keep safe. I'm not naming anyone, those who even think this is directed towards them well, it's IS probably you I'm echoing in this blog. And I don't believe I've missed telling anyone this (in nicer words, of course). So, if you are going to send me hatemail least make it something useful and not about "You didn't tell me this and that and blah blah blah".

It's really hard to sleep when you're feeling such a large amount of frustation and disgust, I'll have to know. Usually, in most cases, I'd look at this as a delicious opportunity to dissect my own emotions and its affects. But I'm too tempted to begin stabbing people through the internet. You are all hilarious. I'm hilarious to you, see, we are all on the same grounds here. I've laughed at probably a majority of you all, not because I think I'm better than you (because I really fucking don't think that at all), but because you're doing such a piss ass job at doing what you say you're going to be doing. Oh, look, I'm smiling and giggling. Oooh, I like you people, even when boiling. <3

Shit people, I'm learning still. I know what I know, and I am STILL learning. I'm not going to be arrogant or anything, I'm going to admit I'm flawed and everything. Can't you do the same? I don't care if you're proud, or you're stubborn, or anything like that. There is more at stake here. I've gone through countless changes, why the hell do you think I have so many masks to act as? I don't care who you are, what you are, you want help or are interested in what kind of help I or anyone else can be, you better fess up some information, some answers, some reliable things. I get you are who you are, but it really doesn't even seem like you are trying. Where is the effort? Where the fuck is the effort? I'm not seeing it! I see a few people putting it in. The lot of you are just going behind each others backs, and our own, or just hiding.

You can't get aid if you don't:
1. Let us help you
2. Open your mind to new possibilities
3. Help us by giving us information on your thoughts/ideas/theories/experiences/observations/pictures/videos/audio/ETC.

Holyfreakingshit. I'm supposed to be up at 9:00/9:30 A.M. yet here I am, again, writing, hoping some of you will get it into your skulls that WE are TRYING to HELP. We are trying to help you, help each other. Be you ally, friends, lovers, whatever. Hell, even our enemies we are trying to help by giving them solutions, encouragement to breaking free of their chains. But our help is limited when you all limit yourselves.

I don't trust you. I'm skeptic about you. I'm suspicious about you. I might like you, I might not. I might be worried or concerned, I might not be. You might feel the same about me, about us. But who the hell are you really hurting by being such stubborn asses? I'm so paranoid that-- you know what, I'm not even going to choose what type of example works. The fact of the matter is a person whose mind is as fucked up as my own can still see some points aren't being met, that can honestly say that something is seriously screwed up here, that is saying something.

Go ahead. Brush that off, go right ahead. But see the common fucking sense.

I feel like broken record player. But I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm insane, or seeing me as something invisible, a girl---fucking woman, you asshole, with nothing to say. You know, I heard geniuses are those that are intellectual, logical, the great minds of our race that ventured into science and what not. Then there are people that are brilliant, they aren't geniuses, but they are clever, they are the creative ones that can compete with the geniuses on a different level. Then there are the smart people, the ones gifted in their studies in school, they are just that, smart. I never knew where I fit into. I was always curious, always interested, always sought out answers. I learned at my own pace, in my own way that the teachers apparently didn't understand, and when they got the memo I excelled. I burrowed into psychology at a young age, I fell in love with scientific debates, I liked looking at the logic of things. But I was never going to be an intellectual. I like mischief, I liked warping minds with my writing, I enjoyed dissecting information and using it as a force against others. I was always hovering in the categories I never knew where I fit. Where I belonged. My psychology helped people, I calmed a lot of fights and what not. Solved a lot of problems. But it's really... Really hard to deal with you all and, heh, I still don't know quite why.

If  you made it this far you deserve a fricking medal. Even if I was probably going to try and strangle you with it for making me feel so frustrated. If you happen to not be one of those rare people than I'll give you... Uh, a piece of candy or something later? I don't know. I'm bad at rewarding people. It's easier to be an ass.

I'm not going to give up. I'm just saying give me more to go on, as well as the rest of us. I like games, hell, I love them, but there is fun games and then there are the flat out rude ones that really don't intend to be fun from the start.

I don't even care about any of the typos that might be here. I'm giving you guys a piece of how I am feeling, congrats. It's a nice little present, no? Least it's honesty. Look, I'm sorry this is all over the place but it just needed to be said. Easier to tell the entire lot of you than to do it individually. Get the memo, ok? Ok. Hopefully this speaks for all those who are trying to help others/each other. Maybe this doesn't even just stop with this whole struggle, maybe it reaches past it to other things in general. I don't know anymore, I'm too tired to care tonight/this morning.

Anyways. My playing pleasant is pretty much gone. So I'm going to hang out here and keep doing what I'm doing in my "normal" mode.
Congrats guys, you earned it.

I'll try not to maul you all through my laptop in the future,
-Shady