Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Fifth Post.

Yea, I corrected it since I'm not doing it at like, five in the morning. It's midnight now. I was initially excited when I got up today, after yesterday being so calm and quiet. I didn't feel sick in the least. I went outside and did some gardening, racking up leaves because it's that time of the year again when mum and dad make the yard bright with colors. Eighty-five degrees it was today, nice breeze, pain in the ass for making a leaf pile for. Whatever, it amused my mum as I tried to tackle the pile to keep it in place a few times. I wasn't aware you could wrestle with leaves until today, it was rather sad.

It couldn't have been more than forty-five minutes out there when I started to become dizzy. I leaned against the large garbage can for a while before moving to stand in the shade. The feeling was back, it just hit me full on and nothing I was doing was helping. Even submerged in the shade my body heat was rising, my insides hurt, I felt sick. Just completely sick. I went to sit down on the porch instead, getting up the stairs was not fun. It felt like that dream, trying to climb the hill. Everything fell silent except for what I thought to be the wind. How could I have been so stupid! How the hell did I not hear it, was I so blinded by the lack of activity yesterday? I literally crashed into the chair on the porch and put my head between my owns knees, I listened, rocking back and forth to settle my unease.

All I could hear was whispers. Words. More fucking words I didn't want to hear. Ones I didn't even understand. My mum caught wind I stopped raking and came up. She was talking but I could barely hear her, there was all this noise banging around within my skull. When I looked up to her I could only see past her, near the brook at the edge of the property was the black shape. I couldn't focus long, my attention went back to mum who was removing my boots and taking me inside. Saying I was over heating, she had me lay down and got a cold rag for my head. I pretty much passed out after that for a solid hour. It's weird, you know when you're sleeping but you're not completely asleep? Yea, that fun time. The entire hour I didn't dream, not really at least. I was just standing surrounded by nothing but pitch black. The spotlight that was usually on me when in that state was out, I couldn't get it on. That alone was alarming enough. I pulled out a flashlight from nowhere but it wouldn't turn on either, I kept whacking it in the palm of my hand but it wouldn't work. I didn't understand what was going on, as per-usual. I was aware, fully aware, and even tried pulling in new elements to the dream itself. Candles blew out, a generator which exploded, glow sticks faded, every light source that entered the dream was destroyed by the black silence.

The flashlight slipped from my grasp and vanished before it hit the ground. I looked around to find nothing, until very faintly a light came down. I thought it was  the spotlight but when I looked it was something completely different. A full moon, not pure white, rather it looked stuck in the transition of becoming a harvest moon. It was rather beautiful, but it didn't last. The moon glowed, seeming to light up everything, which woke me up.

Even then I was still feeling like crap, cooled down at least for the most part. I listened for a few seconds and couldn't hear anything other than my own breathing, my sibling was at work and my parents were outside still by my guess. I lifted the rag across my eyes to check the time but I couldn't see it. He was there in my house blocking the clock. That breathing I was hearing wasn't my own. I wasn't hallucinating here, he was right there. I threw the phone at him which was a ridiculous idea now that I think about it. Unless it hit his head it wasn't going to do anything, and of course it didn't hit him in the head. I tried to jump off the couch but he tackled me down, like all proxies do. Tackle fucking everything. He left red marks on my shoulders and arms when I fought back but the size difference fucked up everything. I regretted not having my pocket knife with me. Every shift I made just made me feel worse and he didn't have to do much of anything. I tried to think, everything became frantic when he cut off my air supply. More words, I don't know whether it was me feeling ill or him whispering, but it seemed muffled. Concentration was hard when I was trying to pull his hand away.

All I got was this:

"Hello hello hello hello hello" xfucking10
"gift" or something of the sort.

It got worse from there but I am not explaining that. I refuse to. Right now at least. I don't know if I will in the future. I just can't now. I don't even want to believe it.
The back door shut and he got off and ran out the front door a few feet away. That was the end of it.

You know what happened then? I woke up. Can you believe that, my mind warped to the point where everything felt real, smelled real, looked real. My senses were all fooled. The first time ever I didn't know I was dreaming.

I was shocked, completely caught off guard. I was concerned. What if it was a dream but yet wasn't?

...Does this mean he was in my house? For real?
In my house when my family was right outside. But this wouldn't be a first time, though it would be with me being in such a crappy state.

I don't know. I don't know what to fucking make of it. He's been around for how many years now? Probably more since I can barely remember my childhood. I've seen him but we never got close enough to talk and the first time we are that is all I get? What the fuck was that about, and introduction or something?

Isn't it a bit too fucking late for that?

I am so angry. I'm angry at the fact that is all there was to say. I'm angry at the fact he came in when I was alone inside and vulnerable. I am angry at the fact he did it when my parents were right outside. I am angry at the fact he was able to trick me into believing that dream state was reality. I'm pissed off at the fact I don't have any evidence aside from this blog-diary-whatever the hell it's going to be.

I am just so... So... SO FURIOUS! I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I knew I couldn't. He got me, that asshole fucking got me. I should have been more careful. I have to be more careful. Have to make precautions. Bastard!

That was good. That was really good, you little proxy. I really thought I was awake. I really did.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, well... You can try.

So what now? What the hell happens now?
Does this mean the game has been raised a level? Fine. Next time you'll be running away with a "forget me not" etched into your flesh.

I'm going to try and do some sketches of this guy, post them up here sometime soon and see if anyone else has seen him. If you have that information is vital in testing some theories, so please speak up. If you recognize him from these descriptions (look below this for another one) in my blog please let me know.

Description: This proxy appearance head to toe in black. A baggy sweatshirt, hood up, face shadowed. I don't know if he has some sort of black fabric to ensure his identity is never known or not, but I wouldn't throw away the possibility. I don't know about his pants, they could of been dark jeans by my guess. He wore sneakers too. He wears gloves, again, of black. Not the flimsy kind either, ones that could be used for yard work. I am awful at guessing height and weight, but if that dream is accurate I'd range him between 5'9-6'0? Maybe more give or take. That's still going to trump me by nearly a foot either way. Weight, ok, it's hard with his baggy clothes to really determine. But the tackle made me think medium build, maybe. I am so bad at determining that sort of thing. He's covered head to toe so I can't determine any skin color or anything otherwise than clothing and that. His behavior is always changing. I don't know if it would be of any use to post these quirks I've noticed repeating with the various proxy theories out there. But here it goes anyways. Shoulders tend to be rolled forward or hunched, arms are usually at his side. They seem to only retreat to his pocket if he is taunting, maybe, or trying to send a silent message of patience. I can't really be too sure, just going on vibes and what was going on at those points in the dreams. Head tilting, upper body tilting in general seems to be like a wired in habit. The guy also seems to have a liking for flexing his hands, like people do when anticipating something. He is normally silent, if not breathing heavily. It could just be a scare tactic. I can't describe the voice by much, my head was so fucked up in and out of the dream I'd probably get the description wrong. Hazy, maybe? Hoarse even. There might have been accent.
That's all I've got. I haven't seen any masks that other proxies seem to use, which made me hesitant to think he was a proxy. But a lot of the traits seem to match up so I have officially come to label him as such. Any further information I'll be sure to update with.

This is just getting out of hand. I don't care how unoriginal that sounds but it is true. That was just insane, to have your mind warped to thinking you're actually awake. All your senses are saying so, all you're thinking is "Get out of this situation, get rid of him, protect the family" and yet, it's not real at all. Sleeping isn't safe anymore, it's too easy for him to get to me. My usual methods aren't enough. I'm going to keep trying to improve control in my dreams, perhaps then it will get him out of the shadows and actually meet me face to face.

Oh. And I can't find my knife either. Just my two pocketknives. Can't find my big one. Well, big in comparison to them, haha. So I think I'm going to go out looking for something a bit better. While I believe and will even tell you that in this struggle against the proxies and those that will them that the mind is your main weapon. I would also advise arming yourself. While mind tricks will be used nearly every time it still won't mean you won't be attacked. Or, in my case and many others, fucking mauled. They seem to like doing such, it's kind of funny until it happens to you.

About the whisper that sounded like "gift". Yesterday I went to throw some blueberries in the woods. As I was walking back something was out of place. On one of the stepping stones there was a rock sitting there. Just completely out of the ordinary. Wasn't there before, I didn't kick it onto there walking either. Just this little rock. My parents weren't home, my sibling was in the house and I would of heard her if she left. What bugs me most about this is it's what my family calls "A Heart Rock". Silly little thing we've always done, collect little rocks that look like hearts and integrate them into the property. I knew instantly what it was when I looked at it. Normally these are found not in plain sight and what confuses me is it was in plain sight. Just sitting there right in my direct line of sight, right in my path. I would of seen it coming down the stairs or even when approaching it if it was there before. But it wasn't. That is my point, it was NOT there when I walked back to the woods, yet on my way back to the house it was. There is a clear line of sight from where I was at the back of the property to the house, short distance, I would of heard something even when facing away, surely.

It sounds like it's poorly pieced together but I'm going on things that are out of the ordinary in my life. That is one of them. I don't live a very exciting life, never cared much to, just went with the flow and sought what interested me. I know very well when something is out of place. Except when it is in my room, apparently. This is one of those times. I have the rock right here next to me, I was tempted to chuck it into the brook but didn't. I'm hanging onto it for now, I'll take a picture of it later and post it here. I'll have to be doing that till I get a camcorder. I decided to upgrade my phone finally to one I can access the internet with. Keep informed, keep you informed, and keep on helping. Should be in shortly, least it is something useful.

There isn't anything I can do at this point but prepare for next time. Which I know will probably be soon, this guy seems intent on playing games and doesn't seem to follow the "wait around for a bit" theme. I don't know. There isn't much I can do, though. I have no evidence but what, a rock? No one listens to the black sheep anyways, and from my observations telling seems to suck in the people around you. Last thing I want is that.

I'll just keep playing their game. Keep fighting back. Keep on learning.

Stay safe. Adapt.

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