Ninth Post.

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away...

When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door... (slam!)

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away

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I don't fucking know him. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I don't know who he is. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

You don't give me any clues, any hints. I'm searching and looking through albums, through yearbooks, I've pulled out old newspapers that were tucked away. Nothing! You've been quiet, how the hell am I supposed to know when you don't say one fucking thing?! You're covered, head to toe, I can't read you through your baggy clothes. Two heart rocks. The brook? What am I supposed to be even looking for? I have questions that I didn't even know I was thinking about just popping into my head, every second of every day. I feel like I did back then, in that patch of blurred memories that I do remember from then. Like I was about my lose my mind, brain just exploding everywhere. Then everyone would see. They would see me. Me. And who the fuck I was. The person who was cracked and broken, oh boo-hoo. They'd realize that who they see everyday wasn't who they expected. The real person screaming beneath all these layers.

Layers. All these layers. So many fucking layers.

Never. Never will you find me. Do you know how long I've constructed these here within my mind? You will never find me, you will never know me. My mind is made up of so many layers you have no hope of peeling them all away. We don't understand each other and unless you made your move it's just going to stay that way.

You thought you were quiet tonight, didn't you? Or perhaps not. Perhaps you purposely were trying to drive me up the wall. Been there done that, sweetheart. I heard you, I swear I saw you when my flashlight clipped your sweatshirt. Bullshit if someone tells me that was a branch. I don't know how you did it, how you made it sound like you were all around, in every direction all at once. I don't care to know, you can keep you little secrets. But I know. I know you were there. Charged up the flashlight, was bright as can be tonight, caught you off guard, didn't it? Ain't that a bitch?!

Go ahead. Play your ninja tactics. Be silent all you like. Just don't come around pissed off when I forget you're even there. I've got better things to do than to humor your games, to give you attention. You'll get it when you earned it, little proxy of mine. There are actually people here that I want to help and if you want to stop me go ahead and make your move. Otherwise, I'm waiting till you try something new. Till you give me one answer to any of the questions you already know I want. Feel free to kick and scream, do whatever the hell you want to do in my dreams. Throw your hissy fit if you must, but until I get a single answer I'm not furthering this game at all.

This week is going to be hell already, I don't need an obnoxious proxy poking me about nothing productive. My focus is on two things, getting what I need done this week and figuring out how I can assist some people. There is an anxiety attack that is right on the line of attacking me, so hopefully one less thing will help.

Fucking hell... Ignore the crazy talk. My mind has been fucked these last few days, I'm not very articulate this week (last week, technically) as you can see.

Pictures:

Heart Rock #1:

Important Notes: Still keeps coming up blurry as all fucking hell. This is in natural sunlight, tried it both with flash on and flash off. But whatever, I'm through. Here it is, you can actully see the colors of it, despite the lack of details. Asshole blur. Assuming it is granite currently.

Heart Rock # 2:

Important Notes: I honestly wished it was chocolate when I first saw it. Sadly, it is nothing but a piece of slate that I found under my porch. Assuming it is from the brook due to it being smoothed and vaguely smelling like the brook rather than dirt. Yes. I sniffed it.

Dream from the other morning:

I am just copying and pasting a majority of this. I editted some bits of it to keep it anonymous, otherwise, this is it.

I had a really really scary angry one of him again, not the faceless proxy. I turned on my laptop and saw I had a message from him, opened it, and it was him saying a lot of cruel and vulgar things, incredibly angry, as if he was raging into the computer, venting, as if it was him just trying to speak his frustrations. And he started on Twitter saying how he was going to find me and do things I don't think would even be appropriate to mention. It was the first real emotion shown that wasn't full of cryptic bullshit. It scared the shit out of me reading it, not of the things he would do necessarily, but just this sudden burst of emotions. Even when staring at my laptop I could see him, like standing on the other side of my laptop in his white mask this time. It made me think this could be the proxy considering things as of late. I just was so surprised, frozen, and he just stood there watching me read all these new little messages that kept popping up. It was all just angry and perverse, twisted things. I just kept staring at the screen and then out of nowhere he just broke through the screen, I don't know how he left from standing there to that, but he just ripped through the screen and grabbed my throat. I don't know why I couldn't move in the dream, I just felt like a doll that was aware, you know what I mean? And I couldn't move, just listen as he said everything I was reading and more, like to burn it into my mind. This is just where it gets weird, he used the free arm to wrap around my torso and pulled me close, but the moment I made contact with him I just faded. Like, literally, faded. And as I faded it just melted into the observer mode, and I was watching him standing in the same position for a long while before I just woke up. So I don't know what the fuck that was about. The angry part I can understand, if I'm not boring someone or creeping them out then I am definitely annoying them. But the ending with me just fading away is what confuses me more-so. I don't know where I went, what happened, I was just stuck in observer mode watching him for a while as he was frozen in that position. Then it just went black for a while more and I woke up. So... Yea. I don't know, but it's something. Sorry to copy and paste practically 99.9 percent of it, but I really can't think of a better way to type it. Too strange to make it any clearer, that's as blunt as I can go. Ignore every typo found in this thing. I really don't want to go through and look it over.

Ok. I think I'm done. I got to go. Wake up in four hours. Fucking great. Fucking fantastic. And yet I don't regret jack shit of it because it's in my genes. You know, typing that, the only thing that was going through my head was two me's, one slamming the other's head into a desk 3456787867565342345 times. Loved it. Loved all of it.

Goodnight. Stay safe.

Remember: You have friends here, and if not friends than support. Open your mind, peek through the blinds, see us all here waiting to help.

The young lady who is most likely doomed,

-Shady