Absence.

Josie Crumin sought my attention, I  gave it to her. Joshua was not pleased by the extent I have been pushing her. She has learned to stifle her sobs, now she just bites her lip and glares at me, tears brimming in her eyes when I'm too hard on her. She asked for this. He screams at me, for what? Being too cruel, is there such a thing? No. She knew what she was getting into and yet she asked. She demanded. She pleaded. This was her own choosing. Weak and frail little Josie Crumin. I taught you to be stronger, didn't I? A few little things, shook up your brain and out fell some backbone. Congrats! You're still a fucking coward, older than me but yet a little girl. It's amusing.

My favorite has to be sparring in the night. Frustrating her with jeers and truths now and then, her tears glistening in the moonlight. Joshua seethes when she follows me back inside. Our fights consist of a handful of words before we walk away now, there isn't any effort to argue anymore because there isn't anything left to say. He can't leave, for fear of the Advocate and his threats. Because of Alan and Claire, heh. His presence is a poison to all now, like mine. And now he hates me even more, if only because he hates himself. Don't worry, Joshua, you'll learn what to do with that hatred soon enough. Make it something productive.

He tries to talk Josie from her training, he kneels in front of her and patches her up. Tells her she doesn't have to do this while I stand idly across from them, watching half the time. She says she's tired but that it shows that she is really trying, that she won't return to posting on her blog until she becomes stronger. She's tired of being pathetic. The moment he finishes I move towards the door, she pulls herself up and follows, limping or otherwise. A blue haired pup of my own now, sorry Joshua, you have to share for a bit. Maybe we can make a schedule between me training her and you fucking her brains out, hm? HA!
Shame that won't be happening anymore, eh? Guess you'll be doubly cranky now.


I'm patronizing again, but it's so fun sometimes.


Onto more important things...


I'm locked up in an empty room because I requested it, after waking up from a short coma. It's one of the rooms designed for prisoners. Brood has suggested I continue writing, for it may help. The post that will be following after this on will explain things. For now I am putting in what little focus I have into this. It will not last because my focus has been severely cut. There is just instinct, a very specific instinct. It did something awful, it threw off the balance. I'm locked up in here because I demanded to be. I am here because I saved her life, and what did she do? THE BITCH FLED! As I murdered our medic subconsciously, a handful of soldiers dead by hands, MY PEOPLE, DEAD. More was done by that creature's, and as Joshua bled she ran out the fucking back door while her enemy was curled around my core, pulling my strings and using my body as a puppet. It seems the only thing I taught her was how to run faster, to hide better.


So this is the itch Gallows spoke about, eh? This imprint his enemy as well left in me. The balance is off. I don't want to kill my comrades but the control is now gone. The only reason this sanctuary hasn't thrown me out for is due to it not being my own will. It seems my state of mind is the only thing allowing me here, which is funny because we all see how shitty that's becoming because of Lenore. Because I allow it. I doubt it will last, me being here. I might have to become a prisoner in my own home soon. Everything feels numb, like I'm very distant from my own body. It feels wrong.

Oh Josie, you made the gravest of mistakes. Remember what I said when I had you by the neck against that tree? I saw the look on Joshua's face when I woke up in our medical room. I've never seen so much shame in a person. In himself, directed at me, directed at you. His thoughts were written plainly across my brother's face. Run, run, run, Mister Creevey is on your heels and you better hope he tears you apart before I find you.

I'm out of time, it seems. Back to trying to fix this mess and fighting the beast that wears my face.

Stay safe if you can,
-Shady

Forty-Seventh Post.

"How are you?"

"Physically: Healing. Emotionally: Conflicted. Mentally: Corrupted. Spiritually: Bitter. You?"

"Well, I got a call from Claire."

"Oh?"

"Alan killed himself a few days ago. She wants us to attend the wake and funeral."

I snapped the neck of the fellow I had been interrogating. "I'm amazed that bitch even remembers me." I grinned. "They were, of course, your friends. If I use that term loosely, that is."

Joshua sighed on the other end. "And you're mine." I let out a laugh. "Just come, ok?"

"Can't. I got other things I need to do." I replied, glancing over to the computers that worked endlessly. "And you know me, work, work, work."

"All work and no play makes Shady a dull girl." I chuckled at his words. "This isn't playing, though, but you need fresh air. I would also appreciate it if you came with me, he was a colleague of mine."

"The moment you start caring about my needs I'll take a break. In the meantime you can take your girlfriend and go fuck each other in the closet while the priest preaches."


Joshua let out another sigh, his growing agitation all the more obvious. "They just got engaged, Shady, and he killed himself-"

"His choice, man. He could have called off marrying the little whore. But no, had to pull the dramatics."

"Claire changed."

"That's what they all say." I rolled my eyes. "No one ever really changes. Not completely. I'm always going to be this this. You're always going to be that. She'll always be a whore. Alan will always be a quitter. Simple."


I heard a lot bang and assumed he punched something. "You're heartless."

"I'm honest. Maybe a little heartless."


"Fucking socio-"

"Ah, ah, ah. Easy now, Tigger. Don't need to go bouncing off the walls just yet. We're only getting started." He breathed heavily, trying to remain calm. "You can take someone else. Provided it isn't Mr. Sunshine. I'm not going to pretend to mourn people that I dislike. Let him be dead, he brought it on himself."


Brood's voice could be heard in the background, followed by Joshua grunting. "Would it interest you to know it might have been related to the Tall One."

I glanced at the corpse on my table, "Perhaps, should you be able to prove it to me before I hang up."


"Claire mentioned strange activity involving him disappearing for extended periods of time. She found him outside a few nights just standing there, he didn't respond to her. He began spacing out a lot and seemed to be getting strange phone calls from an unknown number. They went to get a brain scan, worried about tumors or something in his head. There was a lot of unexplained activity but otherwise everything was relatively normal. He walked home a few times after disappearing with odd bruises on him, nearly identical to yours after your encounter with Slender Man."

I clicked my tongue. "Joshua, did you recently visit them or have any sort of contact with them?"

"Why?"

"Let's just assume yes by that answer. That you went and visited, had a cup of tea, ate cookies, you know... Friend stuff. You just potentially damned them. Congrats, killer. Now you're in my shoes!"

"What? How is that possible. It's not after me-"

"Think any fucks are actually given? You've been tied into this just as long as me. Indirectly until Billy happened. Spotlight is on you too, bro. Get your head in the game, killer."


"Stop calling me that!" He screamed on the other end.


"Doesn't feel that great, eh? Don't worry, Joshua. You aren't a monster, yet." I laughed at the irony and listened as he seethed on the other end of the line. "Surprised you haven't hung up yet."


Brood was speaking again and I heard Joshua mutter a small 'I'm fine'. "Are you going to come?"

"And what would you have me do, Joshua? Will you put on a jester outfit and distract those that mourn your shit friend while I examine him?" I snorted. "That would go splendidly. I'd advise you don't go, you'll just infect everyone there. Humanity is a virus, Joshua. And you, well, you're just a stronger virus that has come along. Get me?"

"No, you've fucking lost it." 

"Eh... Can't win them all." I shrugged.

There was a screech, followed by heavy footsteps as he no doubt stormed away from anyone in listening range. "So I shouldn't go out, ever?"

"Stay away from friends, killer. Stay away from family. Stay away from anyone you know personally. There's a 50/50 chance you could ruin what petty lives they have going for them. Mourn at a distance. Why the hell do you think I up and left?"

"That's comforting."

"Not meant to be, just the truth. How did Claire sound?"

"How do you think? Her fiance just killed himself."

I rolled my eyes. "Other than that, dumbass."


"Bad. Kept spacing out. She thought she saw something out the window. Mentioned a strange phone call, too."

"She's done. Causalities happen, let nature run its course. Be smarter next time, killer."


He let out a few uneven breaths, trying to stabilize himself. Completely upset, it was far too obvious. "Can't we just bring her here?"

"She's dead already. Bringing her here wouldn't change that, it would only mean you'd find her dead one morning. She'll end up just like he did. They are trying to lure us out, stay inside the wards." I ordered, "This has Executor and his boss written all over it. Back. Off."


"FINE."

"Good. Sorry for your loss, bro. Shit happens." He sighed, calming somewhat. "Now leave me alone unless it's an emergency." I said and hung up.






Hehehe. How curious. Executor, that's a low blow. You told too much about yourself in the beginning of your blog for the pieces not to fall into place. And look, you made Joshua go all boo-hoo-like on me. Great.


"Well maybe you shouldn't have been such an asshole, Shady."


Well maybe you should just shut the fuck up. ;)


Bahahaha. Now we're getting somewhere.
Sure, it does suck Joshua is upset. I know what it's like to indirectly get people killed, my track record isn't clean in the least. But maybe now he'll get the hell off my back. And maybe, just maybe, he will harden up. Haters gonna hate, dreamers gonna dream. Or whatever.
But this does provide some interesting things to ponder on. I can only wonder what is to happen next.

Whelp, I gotta finish some stuff up here before I head back to the mansion. Promised Josie I'd get back to helping her grow a backbone at super speed, heh.


Stay safe if you can,
-Shady

Forty-Sixth Post.

So this is where we are now, huh? I really never expected all of this to happen. I first stated in the beginning of this blog I didn't give two fucks about making friends, lovers, enemies, I was writing for me. Still writing for me except now I have friends (mostly deceased or have gone without contact), an infatuated serial killer, and more enemies than I have fingers to count them on. Wanted to help people if I could, keep it business. Did that, still doing that, even if it's not business as much anymore. Wanted to give choice to those that didn't have it, because of Him. Those that weren't able to follow their passions from His indoctrination. Check, check, check. Still a working on it.

So... What the fuck went wrong? Or right? Friendship IS right, right? I'm confusing myself. The one thing I am sure of is the honesty in my final comment on the post titled "Fuck."
Yea, that hasn't changed, it's been that way for a while now. I'm tired of caring, of being called a monster by someone who has been my brother for years now. It doesn't matter if I do the right thing, the wrong thing, if I do nothing, if I do SOMETHING. The end result is I'm still just that.

Everyone wants my hostility, it seems. So I've come to this conclusion: I shall give it.

I caught a proxy Road Runner mentally fucked, the critter was following me. I fought her into submission in an alleyway in town and suffocated her until she passed out. Took her back into my basement, the one I've been prepping. Yadda, yadda, yadda, let your imagination take a stroll. She's not coming back to cut things short. I found it cute Lenore sent me one that still felt things. One that reacted to every little thing... Mm. She's smart like that, though, saw how I eliminated husks without a second thought. Decided to pit me against someone that would scream while I interrogated them. Cute, very cute. That just tells me she's still reading this, even if she has stopped her own blog.


Hehehe.


Hey, Lenore? You really shouldn't be hiding out at the burned down Limeport Asylum. :)
Oh fu-- did I just find you? Why yes, yes I did.


I'm coming for you.

Suggestion: Run.
You're good at that, aren't you? Or... Wait, Prosper has been beating the shit out of you every chance he's gotten, hasn't he? At best you're what... Equal to a track runner? Heh. Oh this is golden.


Joshua is worried, which is funny considering things. Hehehe. Even more funny, I think. So you want me to kill the monsters in the world, but now you don't want me to kill people? People ARE monsters, Joshua. YOUFUCKINGHYPOCRITE! You're so silly sometimes.


But that's ok. Sis' will take care of it. She'll handle it. Maybe if you're lucky you won't end up like Lullaby. Take the fucking hint. IHATEMYSELF more than you can imagine, Joshua. What? Why else would I react so strongly when you call me a monster. Because I know it and it bothered me to some degree. Not anymore, though. No, no, no... You killed that for me. You and the rest of these fucks. The only thing left now is the person who will be using that basement properly, frequently. Congrats! Heh, heh. You really are stupid sometimes, deary. But that's ok, hatred can blind a person, you know. I know, I know very well, actually. Did you know that I know? You'll find out soon.
You hate me, I hate me, we all hate me. I'm liking this. It's a good old hatefest and I'm the host! HA!
It'samazingIhaven'tshotmyselfyetbecauseofyou.

Hehehe. That sounds so boo-hoo, but it's not. I'm actually finding this all hilarious. Minus all the deaths and what not, the rest is just rich.
I'd tell you this all to your face but we aren't really talking. You're still mad about the apartment complex, and I'm still resisting the urge to bash your head in. Probably for the better we avoid one another, eh?


But there are more important matters than you and I, Joshua.
Like the winged bitch.


"What do you want?" Lenore, you once asked me in Limeport Asylum. I never answered you. I didn't know what I wanted. Freedom? I was so scared, I didn't know what was waiting outside those walls. Everything was hurting me and I didn't know why. Why were people abducting me, why was I lashing out against these people I've known for years, taking the lives of I cared for, why was I destroying the very place I loved once. Once. I was so scared, Lenore, but being in there for years with you... Well, I came to fear something more. You. Your madness, the chaos that surrounds you, the screaming... I never wanted to become you. But you'd look at me and smile something sickly, croon softly that we had to stick together, that we had to escape. When I knew I couldn't get away from you so I decided to work with you to escape, because at least the world was a bigger place than Limeport Asylum, and I was sure you would never find me once I took off running. Every ounce of trouble we got into was because of you, every volt of electricity they sent through my body, every day spent in solitary confinement. You grew madder by the week, your psycho babble turned to gibberish. Whatever sense you once made you lost.


You didn't even realize He fucked you up so bad, did you? I wonder if you even realize it now. Your madness and legs have always been strong, but your everything else is weak. It has always been weak. You were pathetic then. They say I'm broken being what I am. But you... Oh you have always been a whole nother' level. I loathed it. I loathed you.


And then I began asking myself what I wanted as you progressed in madness. To not become you? Oh... Well seeing as you were becoming increasingly violent, maimed some workers, I knew I might have to take a stroll in your shoes if desperate enough. And then I realized what I really wanted back then, when we were just children. I wanted to kill you.


I want to kill you now.  At first, when I had no memories, it was for Billy. But now, Lenore, everything is back. And you, my filthy dear, have crossed me beyond the point of forgiveness. I. Remember. Everything.


I won't give Executor or Prosper the satisfaction in killing you. Thuggee's so called permission means NOTHING to me. This is about us, Lenore. It has always been, I get it now. You and I, the point was THIS. The point was you trying to make me into a tool for you, to kill every little thing. And why? Because you're afraid. Because you want to same blackness, the same silence I long for. You're pathetic, but then again so am I for all different reasons. At least my solution isn't to murder everything because I'm afraid, Lenore. It's just brilliant how easily you break when one thing falls out of place. You're so fragile, truly like a bird. But you're becoming tired of flying, aren't you? You'll land eventually, and I'll be there to break your wings. You'll fly no more.


Hehehe. It's funny, really. It's very funny. I keep saying that, don't I? I just find it so amusing. I can't help it!


I just... Hahahahaha. Fuck you.


Stay safe if you can,
-Shady