Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Thirty-Forth Post.

Crowley and Lehu are here. Nice people. Crowley is pushy but nice to be around, a nice change. He's been keeping me busy, keeping me from thinking about things.

But you like thinking.

I don't want to think right now.

We went to get supplies, he slapped me over the head when I, and I quote, "Gave him lip". Heh. Like this guy even if he is a little unstable right now. Feel bad, lost his creation and what a beautiful one it was. Didn't tell him that, didn't want to bring it up. Not my place. We got what was needed and went home. Began working. Lehu made food a lot of her stay so far, Mystery helped. Nice to see her bonding, being taken care of. Made things better. I like Lehu, very motherly. If I still clung to that sort of thing perhaps I would be envious she wasn't my own, it seems though those bonds have been severed. Even I don't know what that means.

Kicked Mystery out of the mansion for a bit. Kept getting shocked when doing the electric fence. Crowley huffed and grumbled and I mused if only a little bit. Just a little...

Trinity has slowed her tears.
I'm... Content a little bit because of that.

Prosper has be unusually quiet, last week and even now. No visual taunts, no mocking or cruel blog posts. I worry but I like the silence. I really... Really like the silence. Don't have to think right now.

Road Runner never came back after her comment on the previous post. Good. Read your post, bitch. You make me want to vomit.

Limeport Asylum is still closed. Patients have been moved temporarily to a nearby hospital. Been tuning into the news. I want to go back to the archives, both here and now over by Mystery. Maybe over there closer to the asylum the records will help fill in the holes I found so far.

For now I'm going to just go back to sitting here, can see the stars from where I sleep. Going to count them again. Got Mr. Sunshine here, he's dozed off leaning against my back as I typed this and did some other things. He mumbles in his sleep, you can faintly hear it through the double layers that cover his face. Going to get off of here in a second, be on cell as I usually am. Mr. Sunshine has been a bit down, think my behavior is bugging him. Sorry, bub, I really don't have it in me to pretend to be better. You can sleep here, though. Going to just be sitting... Awake. Fuck my life.
Just happy to at least have one fragment of my past here now with me. Even if I can't remember and even you might not remember, bub, times like these I am just happy to have something to lean into. Shit is just so screwed up... You've been protecting me more than I have you. I think you're going to be stuck doing that for a bit... I feel like I'm slipping. Even when I sleep, the blackness I can't hold onto, I can't grasp it. It feels like nothingness just slipping through my fingers. Is this my mind melting away? Where is my blackness and silence going?
God, I feel so pathetic, so small and insignificant.

I don't know what else to say really.
This post is pretty much empty.
Guess an update is an update, right?

Stay safe,

I was alone, falling free,
trying my best not to forget,
what happened to us, what happened to me,
what happened as I let it slip.


  1. Shady...
    You'll find your answers. Don't let it get to you.


  2. Shady you're not small and pathetic. If anything your alot stronger then most people I know. Please never give up.


  3. HEY Shady, i said:
    "DANG you're awesome" remember?
    and you're more than you think,i really admire you.
    Silence is a good thing,but not ever.
    when the silence comes to you,let it speak,your thoughts will open,and maybe you'll feel better.
    but when you're alone,silence speaks too loud.
    i stand alone here where i live,well,at least i have my acoustic guitar and my dogs hehe.
    well, Music is a good thing to distract -- Placebo in the post right? XD .
    keep something to you:
    one door will close to you,three will open. all of them is the right path. you just have to believe!
    trust your instincts.
    That's all.

    Good luck,and take care.


  4. ... Shady, I don't know if you've seen the most recent Prosper thing, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

  5. Elaine, it's ok. I think we are both sorry and right now getting back up on our own two feet is what's important. Prosper will not get away with this.


    Faustus, thank you. I guess trying is what matters, eh?


    Thank you, Grunge. You're very kind. I'll do what I can to be better for all of you. Your shield may have cracked but will not break, I will not forget what position and responsibility I have taken for everyone.