Tuesday, February 21, 2012

She's Dead.

DeMii. Lullaby came back to the mansion a mess and I fixed her up before she begged me to help find DeMii's body. I left her at the mansion with Josie. I was so fucking stupid, I should have seen it. Why didn't I see it? IT WAS RIGHT THERE. Every answer. Everything. It could have been prevented, but no, now she's fucking dead.

I ran, Joshua on my heels to the location Lullaby mentioned. The pond, it wasn't that far away, just outside the woods and up a hill. MASC soldiers were already pulling her body from the mucky waters when I arrived, still waist deep in it. I didn't care, I sprinted into there and grabbed her, checking for a pulse. It should have been obvious by her disfigured appearance, and perhaps it's better... I can't even decide. Joshua followed me into the water, trying to pull me out and comfort as I cradled her body.

My beautiful and wonderful DeMii. I wouldn't let her go, I didn't want to. I prayed, to who or what I don't even know, but I prayed this was just another nightmare. Brood was calling to have us get out of the water, get the body covered. He didn't trust our party being outside the wards after dark. I fought them, unwilling to separate. Joshua grabbed me from behind and Brood marched into the murky water to assist him.

And then we got back to the mansion and Lullaby was gone. Josie found the laptop up with the note left on DeMii's blog.

Lullaby. Doll Maker, reborn through that baby. That baby I became attached to, because she was DeMii's and I loved that both of them more than I could ever begin to express. This family, it's torn beyond repair. More than half of the people are dead, the others strayed. THIS ISN'T HOW IT WORKS! You don't just make those connections and have them torn apart just like that. It's doesn't work that way. It doesn't.

I fought Joshua to the fullest when he tried to give sympathies. He wouldn't leave me alone and let go. Every family, every single one is just gone or going to be before the week end. And the only brother I have left despises me so much his form of sympathy is that of pity. DeMii... Lullaby, was that just wasted time?


I will find you, little girl. I will fucking find you and you'll stare at the grave of the woman who gave birth to you. I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL REGRET

Damnit. Just... Fucking damnit.

Joshua had his two MASC soldiers hold flashlights as he helped me dig her grave. I could barely hold the shovel, completely blindsided by this. Brood interrogated Josie on where Lullaby went, she had no idea. We dug a six foot deep ditch and laid her body to rest. Like every grave we'll plant something over it. Have to wait until it's a bit warmer out, too cold now. Everything is cold for all the wrong reasons.

After the funeral I decided I'm done looking at the mansion for now. I have a job to take care of at my kin's home and I just can't... She's gone, she's so far gone. And I have to focus, I have to finish what I started. End what was discovered. Push forward.
Rest in peace, beautiful. No more stress, ok? No more. I'm going to clean up everything, I promise. I'll take care of Lullaby, by any means even now. Just don't be in pain anymore, please.
I miss you already. I love you, and I know it's true. It feels like someone just ripped my heart out, it's real, DeMii. This was real, my sister. I regret nothing between us.

And Lullaby... WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KILL HER AND LEAVE ME YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION? Goddamnit, fuck. I will find you. I will track you. DeMii entrusted you to me, Lullaby, and I will not dishonor her. This will never be fixed but I will do my damnest to get close, you keep playing run away, Doll Maker. Keep running, I'll drag you back here and make you see everything you threw away. Everylittlefuckingthing. DeMii loved you, she trusted you, WE loved you, and you just threw it all away! It's not over, dove. Not by a long shot.

I don't want to be here anymore. Not right now. This place doesn't feel like home currently.

I'm leaving the mansion. I'm going home and dealing with what needs to be done, then I'll be back. Update what is necessary only. Fuck the rest. Fuck this.


  1. I know that it is hard.
    Losing people you care for.
    Do what you have to do.

  2. if there was something i could say that would help ease the pain...i would say it.

    good luck shady.....


  3. .......you know how to get a hold of me, loved one. I am so, so sorry for your loss. One day everything will be alright.

    Until that day.. we run.

    1. I don't run, Dia.

      Thank you, however.

    2. ....yea. I start soon.

      If there's anything I can do to help...?

    3. Keep in touch with me when you go, Dia. That's all I ask. Even if it is once in a blue moon, that's what you can do to help. I honestly don't know what will happen once my kin are gone, the effect it will have on my mind coming to terms with the reality of the situation. You're a voice of reason to me, because I have that trust in you. Stay safe.