Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Twenty-Fifth Post.

Sorry for not updating, just haven't been able to sit down and focus here. You would think that it would be easy, to just sit here and rant or vent out my frustrations. It's not, though. I'm used to others venting to me but when it comes time to do it myself everything just falls silent. I guess it's the years of just brooding over my own problems and swallowing them before they could ever leave my head. I've spent most of my time so far going over repairs, using the excess materials from home. Mystery seems to worry I'm doing a lot when it's really more of securing the levels with a few beams. I wouldn't change this place, it's rather lovely as is and aside from needing a few ladders and beams I think it will be fine as is. Debating over solar power is still going on, I lean towards it so that we may be able to do work here rather than walking to town or at my house. Been trying to separate from there, I took precautions when all this shit started a couple months ago. Distancing from them, making myself invisible, they are used to thinking I'm in the house but not seeing me.

I feel like I traded one home for another. I don't just refer that to Mystery, Trinity, and Ronald (whom I have yet to speak much to), but I mean that bond I spoke about in the previous post with Sunshine as well. Bothersome, feeling pulled towards something or someone without knowledge as to why. I haven't slept much, honestly. Aside from the first night we settled in here, I slept a damn lot then. Woke up with Sunshine stretched on the chain, half in my lap. Realized then that sitting at the bottom of the slope still meant he could reach me. Mr. Sunshine hasn't tried anything hostile; he just doesn't seem to realize his own strength. I came down to visit while taking a break on the house the other day and he grabbed my arm when I was heading back to work. Left a bruise, I scolded him briefly, tried to explain to not grab so tightly. I think he may have understood examined his own hands before I left, I peeked in later to see him playing with stick. Grabbing different sized ones, I swear... It looked like he was testing his grip on them. I could just be losing it though, but I refuse to acknowledge this early that he isn't capable of learning. He's clever, I know that much.

I like having Trinity and Ronald here, despite not speaking much to him yet I still adore having her company. When she arrived and jumped on me I felt a surge of pain, but her appearance took it away. I've never been too good with kids, I attract them like flies at random times but I fail at knowing how to handle them. She's a goofy one but smarter than most her age. It's nice. She likes her "ice creams"; I laughed my ass off when I saw the melted tubs she initially brought with her and her brother. Mystery has been trying to feed her other things, but she always ends up with a carton of ice cream in her lap at some point in the day. She's so silly.

I saw Mystery's post before. Can't say everything is alright, because it's not. Everything feels scrambled; I'm hoping this new scene and tending to some repairs will be a nice, small project so clear myself of this shit. I haven't slept much; when I do it's usually just blackness again. It's nice, peaceful like before but it just doesn't comfort as it used to. My mind is constantly working, thinking, trying to remember and I have yet to discover an off switch. I've been doing a lot of pacing, stretching, trying to get my leg working better. It hurts like hell, split it open twice since being here. The stitches the Doctor put in a few days ago helped until I attacked Mystery on the first. I came close to just burning the wound closed, short term pain would beat dealing with the annoyance it's being now, but I figured that would give her more to worry about. Last thing I want to do is worry her. I enjoy having Mystery around in person now, it's nice to sit back and talk to her. I snickered at her sleeping form, tempted to flip the hammock but refrained. Taking my nightly rounds due to this insomnia is helpful, keeps me familiar with the place and where everyone stays. I feel a little better knowing where everyone is.

Walking back to the house I saw Prosper. He was walking with me step by step some distance away, his head turned towards me, watching as he followed and yet he did not touch a single tree. Weaved through them while his head remained in my direction. I kept an eye on him but he never approached, the only sound from both of us was the crunching of sticks and leaves beneath our shoes. It amazes me how his hulking form can disappear and reappear within the woods, how I sometimes lose him when his figure is on the larger side. He's bigger than Mr. Sunshine, a bit smaller than Bad Man Walking was, and definitely smaller than Victor. Close encounters with Prosper had me see firsthand that he was a tank, and seeing his blog posts I'm seeing he's either very clever or actually smarter than he lets on.

He cut me off near the mouth of the woods, keeping some distance. I thumbed at the knife in my right hand; I wondered if he could feel the amount of intensity I felt on the inside, how much restraint I was forcing to not attack him. I noted he didn't dress like regular proxies; he didn't wear a hooded sweatshirt this time. A dark brown, maybe even maroon jacket and black shirt beneath it, dark jeans, tan work boots, old brown utility gloves. His mask stared at me; the symbol over each eye was what I had to look at to see the eyes which he did not hide. The brown gaze was lighter in this lighting, looking more like copper today. I could see his hair, shortly cut and very dark, borderline black. He had to fall just under six feet, his slightly hunched figure posed with some casual air.

Prosper leaned slightly to his right, looking past me for a moment before looking over his shoulder. His head turned back to me, a slow tilt. I didn't follow what he was getting at; I just knew I wanted to get to the house and then head back to base. We stood there for minutes; he wasn't budging to go anywhere. I wonder if he even had a plan at all or if it was some sort of mind fuckery he was trying. I was not amused and impatient, unlike him. I moved to the left and walked around in double the arm’s length of distance. He followed as I went around him, turning his head to the point of snapping, body following in suit. The knife in my hand was firmly grasped, I was rather happy to have bought one since my old one was still missing. I kept moving, the only sound I heard was that of a short, raspy “Heh”. He was gone when I looked back; my guess was he relocated his point to watch from now that I was back on my property.

I headed inside from my window and well, here I am. I'll be getting to some other things from my disappearance. I have been thinking about it, you know. To type up or not, maybe it will help others to read what shit they are capable of, what they are willing to do. I don't know how much I'm going to write, maybe just what Executor and Advocate told you all about. Not sure, just something.

I should head back, I'll be lucky if I make it there by before it's completely dark.

Stay safe,