Shady has a new psychiatrist but she won't tell me much about him. He hasn't fled or ended up in the hospital so I can only hope she's content with this one.
I tried to talk to her today but she wasn't being responsive.
"Shady, come on... I know you don't want to kill anyone. Tell them and stop being difficult. You don't have to be here."
Her face slackened. "Must not tell lies."
"Must not tell lies. Must not tell lies." She continued and wouldn't stop.
"You don't want to kill people. Tell them, Shady! Shady!"
She held her head and covered her ears as her voice grew progressively louder until she was screaming, "Must not tell lies!"
The orderlies came for her and held her down, she fought them and the look of betrayal from when she was admitted there returned. Shady almost reached me before they dragged her back to the bed and began strapping her down. I backed out of the room as she screamed, "Hear that, Joshy? Do you fucking hear that? It's the sound of me breaking, you coward!"
I don't know what to do right now; she keeps flipping from unstable to her old self. Part of me thinks she's trying to come back but how can she when she's so broken? I believe in her and I want to believe there is hope for her too. I see her hatred, it's one of the few consistent things with her. It might be what's keeping her around as insanity tries to take over. I don't even think that makes much sense but trying to think like Shady never does. I can only hope she knows what she's doing. I guess that was really always the job of Watson, sit by and support Sherlock no matter what shit he got himself into.