You internet douchebags really have me thinking more than I want to. I went for another visit today.
Shady was sitting on the bed with her wrist chained to the post this morning. They've been trying to keep her on the bed to get her to sleep more. She's bruised and has some cuts, I confronted the nurses on it and they said the other patients got into a fight with her. She didn't look at all bothered by them, indifferent as always. When I asked her about the damage done she just looked at me and said nothing. I don't know why she won't tell me who did it. "Are my readers biting your dick off?" She changed the topic with a slight smile.
"You have no idea." I smiled in return. She just knew as always. I don't know if she was heavily medicated or feeling calmer compared to the other days; I was just glad to see her more like herself. "Are you okay aside from the bruises?"
"No." She rasped. "I sit in here and rot. Just thinking about the previous asylum and everything that came before it. Just..."
I recognized that look on her face. "You weren't you."
"She's dead." She growled.
The nurse abruptly came in, shooting me an weird glare before freeing Shady from her shackle. She left without saying a thing. I was getting the feeling the staff wasn't too happy with her here. I'm going to talk to her current doctor and see what's up. The moment the nurse left Shady sprang to her feet, pacing to the closed door and staring at it a moment.
"Forgiveness is not an option."
"You plan to hate yourself forever?"
"I am a creature of hate."
"You said before hate isn't a means to an end."
"I thought that once before."
"You'll never find peace that way."
"I am not a creature of peace."
"Do you think she would want this?"
Shady switched into rage and screamed, "Do you think she wanted to be dead? She was everything to me! She was going to be my wife!"
It stumped me for a second before I tried to reason. "You know she doesn't enjoy watching you tear yourself apart."
Her eyes narrowed at me. "You think she's watching over me?"
"How can she when I'm still animating her existence like I did my kin?" I watched her head slowly tilt and her face grow grim. "She's not resting in peace so neither will I."
Shady stood there about a minute before returning to the bed and sitting down. Our conversation died off slowly after that. I sat with her until they asked me to leave and this time she made eye contact with me. A brief moment of her being normal while she can be, I'm taking it as a token.
My sister was able to avenge Billy by killing Lenore but how can she avenge Smiles when she's the murderer? I'm starting to understand things more. She wants to avenge Smiles but she can't, she has obligations now she has to fulfill. She really loved Smiles. No wonder it's so hard for her to accept any form of affection, when she does she doesn't know what to do with it. Billy and I were her brothers. Her relationship with us was always family, brotherly and sisterly protection with one another. Smiles was a whole different level of love and protection.
Lenore Grigor also known as the Road Runner is dead. It doesn't make her feel much better on most days. I get why she snapped mentally and emotionally more now. Physically it was that Mister Creevey freak. When Lenore went she was reminded of Smiles and how incomplete things are. She's helping everyone but herself. I hope she sees she can't continue that way.
Shady knows she's fucked up and has admitted it while I was there; and she knows she needs to finish fixing herself. Her time there will help sort herself out. She wants to leave the asylum so badly, but...
"Don't let me out of here too soon."
"They aren't ready yet."
"Who isn't ready?
"What aren't they ready for?"
"What I'm going to do to them."