Tuesday, August 2, 2011


I don't want to write this... I don't. Every fucking word is just a reminder. I don't understand how, why, just... What-what the fuck happened? I didn't think getting supplies would lead to this...

But they need to see and know, right? Right?!

And seeing this... They'll know. They will fucking know you weren't like they say in the papers. Like she made you look because he killed you. I don't want to write this but for you, Billy... And if our two others out there ever find this blog and see, if they learn and come to know... For them. My apologies for not being good enough. I really, really want to keep this short but damnit, no. Full story or nothing. Facts, information, truth. What I experience you will experience.

I'm so sorry, Billy. I'm so fucking sorry.


I haven't been in a great state. Have you noticed? Prosper just killed two more people, I found two service medals dangling from this weekend. No smiley face, I wasn't too worried... Maybe I should have been? Could that have been the first sign? You'd think I'd know, right? Studying this shit for years and when I really need to apply it to myself, here and now, I can't. It's in my head and I just can't get it out. It's like love or when I used to remain in silence, it is/was always there just never can/could come out. Should have considered it more.

Been avoiding company, Mystery isn't too thrilled with my silence. Trinity finally started showing progress, I'm happy for her; she's a kid and deserves to live as one without all this unhappy shit. Mr. Sunshine... I feel so bad that I'm in such a pathetic state; he's been -for the most part- near me. When my body demands sleep and passes out I wake up to holding his sweatshirt which is just in arms reach. He's been running around constantly trying to make things better, I don't think he understands yet that this is something that takes times. Six people are dead because of Prosper, two kids dead because of... Me? Road Runner? The doppelganger? Slender Man? I don't know... I want to just channel all this hate and blame at someone already but I won't. Maybe I can't?

Don't know. Not the point.

Been distant from everyone while they were awake, my nightly routine of scoping out the place has increased... I know, I've seen Mr. Sunshine's concern when he wears no mask or tugs at my shirt to try and get me to go lay down. Mystery has questioned it and I brushed it off, she knows better, I know better, we all know better. She doesn't push it, at least right now. I've taken it upon myself to take up going out if we need something since... Well, yea. I ran out to grab some supplies, a few more medical couldn't help, right? I went the back way and cut through town, supplies gotten from a twenty-four hour store I left and used the same path to backtrack and found that the town was doing the end of July fireworks over at the park. I drove over and parked briefly, got out, figured I'd catch a glimpse of them at least. Maybe bring funnel cake home for everyone.

The first of the fireworks began and I stood in a less populated zone in the crowd, the parking lot behind me, woods to my right, some spread out stands separating me from them. I don't know what beckoned me to look but I did, my eyes met his. Prosper was standing beside one of the stand still mostly shadowed by it but I could see... Every detail was familiar to me and I knew he wasn't there just to stare when the blade briefly surfaced from the shadows. That horrible knife you can buy anywhere, large and serrated, as if it's always grinning... Always ready to bite.

He pulled from the shadows and his details shined in the dim lights from the stands, he approached and I began moving away as casually as I could, trying to weave through the people like he did but he just kept coming. He really is like a ghost, the people didn't matter he knew the shortest path and used it. I tried to cut through the people to slow him down, lose him before I made a bee line for the car because I knew he could catch me so easily in the open. And then she came, out of nowhere the bird mask was in my face, she had her hand on my arm and was pulling me through the people with ease and then everything just blacked out. We weren't in town anymore. Road Runner had me by the wrist as we stood upon a bridge within the ruins of an old structure; my eyes squinted as I looked at her as light was shining through some of the many holes. Road Runner pulled me and I pulled back out of her grasp.

All I had to do was look around to understand where the hell we were. "Is this the fucking Roman Coliseum?" Was the first thing out of my mouth.

She shoved a gun into my hands and looked around, "Greater distance will take him a moment to relocate our position." Road Runner hissed as she came to a standstill yet was still looked as if she was within a constant state of motion. Her bird mask tilted to one side, "You must fight more."

"I haven't been?" I grounded out with a sneer.

"You are losing your composure; regain it before there is nothing left." Her voice whispered like nails on a chalkboard. I felt myself scowl and her attention tilted past me, head shooting up straight. Out of nowhere she launched forward grabbing my wrist and pulling me forward, I looked behind me to see Prosper appearing right where we were. She dragged me in what felt like a few feet but as I stared at Prosper he was suddenly farther away on the one end of the bridge. Road Runner hopped the fence and landed on one of the ruined pillars within the coliseum and beckoned me forward. I tossed her the gun and hopped over the fence next to her, her arms helping me balance. Prosper was coming to us fast, Road Runner dropped down and I jumped, she reduced the impact by a lot. I was once again dragged, the sound of Prosper slamming onto the ground behind us hitting my ears. The gun fired back at him briefly, I could see him tilt as his shoulder was hit, or maybe clipped, before he pulled up and sprinted after us. The gun was shoved back into my hands as she bolted around a corner and we were gone again.

In a forest running now, Road Runner pulled me over logs and through the brush, weaving through the trees. Prosper's entry could be heard, he wasn't even trying to be quiet. I looked back at him to see him charge forward in pursuit of us, breaking through a thin tree and tearing apart foliage with his blade as he ran. He broke a log with his boot as if it was just a leaf and continued to gain on us. Road Runner hissed something vile before we were gone again, reappearing within a city and dodging a bus. Prosper came out of nowhere and bolted forward, a car slamming into him and knocking him down as we entered into an alley and teleported again. I stumbled into the stairwell as she pulled me upwards, everything whooshing past us as every step of ours echoed. I looked down briefly over the railing and found Prosper looking back up, Road Runner slammed to a halt and when I lifted my head I saw him in front of us. Fucking ghost.

And then we were gone again, the wind hitting me full force as the humidity felt sticky against my skin. On the roof of a building, probably the same one by my guess. Prosper appeared before us, Road Runner chucked me to the side and I hit the pavement and rolled into the ledge of the roof. The gun was lost. She attacked Prosper, vanished, and rammed him from the side out of nowhere. Just appearing out of thin air and latching onto his jacket, he slid a dash across the roof before elbowing her in the stomach and grabbing her frame. I watched as she flew overhead of me and off the roof, I leaned over the edge and found her dangling barely. I grabbed her forearm with both hands and she grabbed my forearm as I tried to pull her up. A shadow covered over us and pain laced through my back as Prosper's boot landed against it. Road Runner slipped a dash and I bit down on my lip trying to focus everything on keeping hold of her.

My lower half was the only thing holding us both up and Prosper was stomping on my lower back, hell bent on either me dropping her or us both going over. Road Runner hissed again and dug into my forearm, her shoes skidding against the building as she tried to get them planted. I winced at her using my arm as a levy.

"Let go." Her words cut through the wind up there, her distorted figured going every which way. "We'll fly."

I wanted to snort and tell her that Road Runner didn't fricking fly but Prosper's foot cut that off. He lifted it off for another go and I could feel her pulling me forward. It was my choice then, to keep clinging as best I can to the ledge or fall. I let go and fell over the edge off the roof, being dragged downwards in what I thought was to be my goddamn death. It's one thing to fall from a first level, or off a trampoline, or a ladder, etc. It's another to fall from a skyscraper and tumble downwards with your rival to only hold onto to. I was yelling at her to fix it, god, I must have sounded like Fry from that one episode of Futurama. I don't want to explain how it felt to be rushing through the air at such speed, seeing the blurred colors of people far below and all the shades of black and grey pavement that we'd be landing upon.

I was so sorry that all of them would find out about our deaths at some point, find out about how we went splat. That the family I had by blood and the family I have come to know now at the mansion would never see me again. Their shield would be laying somewhere far away shattered, as a failure.

And then blackness covered my view and we hit water. I found myself wringing out my clothes beside Road Runner who was doing the same, shaking her head and tilting the mask to let out the excess water.

"Great fucking job at flying." Was the first thing that left my mouth, I kicked some mud at her with my soggy, squishy shoes. I looked around and noticed we were at a lake, looking up from it was a field and deja-vu coursed through my head. My attention was brought back to Road Runner as she pulled the gun from before out of the hem of her pants and handed it to me. The woman proceeded to grab my arm and I knew what was coming, I caught a glimpse of Prosper behind her some yards away before we vanished. We were running through the woods again, a small structure that looked boarded up in the distance some. A tree crashed somewhere behind us, it sounded like a path of destruction was catching up to us. Prosper's fucking rampage wouldn't seize, he just kept coming. I caught glimpses of him, he tried to intercept us and it turned into a game or teleportation and dodging through the trees. Road Runner seemed to be trying to confuse his senses and tracking ability with short bursts of teleportation and speed, I was just glad I was used spinning around or I might have hurled.

I yelled at her to go back to the mansion, the wards, the fucking wards but she wouldn't listen. She tilted her head at me and then craned it forward, we were gone. I fell from her grasp across a concrete floor and she stood looking around. Pulling myself up I looked around and saw Road Runner looking over at the crates. We were at a warehouse it looked like and she was just tearing apart barrels and boxes looking for anything.

That's when a voice caught my attention; it was Billy, silly Billy. The class clown, the forth wheel to our fun bus back then. I remember him, I still talk to him, but why oh why were we fucking here? He looked so confused calling to us and when I shoved the hair from my face and saw him surprise took over. He asked what we were doing here, yelled at Road Runner to stop tearing apart the stock. I asked what he was doing here at this hour of the night and he laughed, smiled that same boyish smile he always wore and said how he was closing up for the night after they got a new shipment in.

Road Runner was uncapping containers, prying them open, kicking them over and letting the contents spill out. I got up with the gun in hand and he panicked, asking what the hell was going on. I wish I could explain it, I beckoned him over and that's just when shit went wrong. So wrong. A hulking mass behind Billy, that awful knife poking through his mid-section as his body was hoisted off the ground. I screamed for him as he screamed in pain, my heart hammered away and he just writhed and sobbed at the knife tearing through his middle vertically as he dangled in the air. Prosper just brought him down and kicked him off the blade so that he landed between the two of us. Billy didn't even move aside from shuddering and crying, wheezing painfully.

I ran to him and he looked up at me from the corners of his eyes, a whimper escaping his throat. I leveled the gun at Prosper, shaking, my face damp at the sight of a bleeding friend. I don’t know how to explain it, everything flooded at once, every little feeling drained and all the adrenaline, every ounce of pain ever felt, every ounce of rage flooded in. Every bit of training I had came back without me even realizing, I turned down the gun and fired a bullet into his right knee. Prosper staggered but didn't fall, his weight leaning onto the left leg more to keep standing. His mask taunted me, the eyes that could clearly be seen danced with something awful. The bastard rasped a laugh and I shot him again, then again, and a-fucking-gain. But he just slouched where he stood, cocked his head, and then laughed louder.

And Road Runner just started yelling, "Kill him! Kill him! Kill him now!" and "He killed your friend, you saw, you saw! Kill him for it, avenge the fallen. Kill him now where he stands!"

The Caged One... She screamed no. I was shaking so badly... I just wanted to fire every last bullet into that sickening mask. Caged One, she begged and pleaded, she said not to become like Road Runner wants.

"That's the wretch that ruined everything, EVERYTHING! End him, kill him now! Break that body into pieces, pretty pieces!"

"Don't listen to she who is broken. Not mendable, lost."

"You are losing it! You are losing your composure, @$&%$^#%! Become more! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"

"And lose everything you have worked for. Allow the taint to spread and devour that which still remains true. Is that you want? What they would want for you?" What felt hours was only a minute or two at most. Billy wheezed from below me, I looked down and he was looking back up at me. Bleeding out on the floor he still showed worry, even by a fraction. I glared at Prosper, his form unmoving and provoking. "Do not let her tame you into becoming a murderer, her murderer."

I lowered the gun and shook my head, every ounce of hatred that arose crumbled as I fell onto my knees next to Billy. I dropped the gun and held him, never feeling more useless in my life. Road Runner's roar as she screamed such only made it worse. In a flash she was gone and Prosper was straightening up when she reappeared. Road Runner dropped from the second level and knocked him to the ground; he grabbed her ankle and rolled twisting her around and throwing her off him by a few feet only. Up again she was already on him but he grabbed her despite the speed, this time directing her towards a wall when he threw her. She just landed against it and repelled off right back at him, landing with her hands on his shoulders, one foot next to her hand on his shoulder and the other on what must have been his belt buckle. Grabbing his head she brought up her leg and kneed him in the mask before vanishing as he went to grab her. Appearing off at a distance before they went at one another again.

Billy... Sweet, silly Billy just looked up at me and I looked down at him then. His eyes growing hazy, body twitching involuntarily. I coddled him like the precious treasure he was. I whispered pleas that were utterly useless. He coughed and whispered, "Europe..." And when I questioned further said, "Europe, she's in Europe." My heart thudded, I nearly thought it stopped in that moment. I thanked him again and again, his smile sincere which made everything so much worse. I apologized, fuck, I still am... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. He shook his head before the life within his eyes faded away. This guy who I remember so well, that I remember through the years I still can reflect back on. Gone, all we built for together was just torn away. Joshua and Smiles, what would they say? What would they do? His family... Ohfuckinggod.

Road Runner threw down Prosper, her foot pressured onto his knee I shot, the other weighing down on his throat. Her head tilted down at him as she slid her foot onto his chest and leaned down to flip off his mask. A shriek of rage emitting from her throat, her hand slipped into her pocket as she pulled out a lighter. I looked around at the fluid that she poured across the warehouse, the same fluid that was starting to encircle Billy's body and my own. Road Runner flipped the lid and lit the flame, her hand dropping it next to Prosper, her form disappearing before it hit the floor. The flames covered him and spread across the floor of the warehouse, forming around myself and growing closer as the fluids inched closer.

Road Runner appeared behind me and tore me from Billy, throwing me to the ground and stand over me, literally. She delivered a strong kick to my stomach as I lay on my side and my back was trapped by her other leg, keeping me in place as she assaulted my torso with a few kicks. Shrieking and raging as she did so. When she stopped, when the heat was becoming overwhelming and I was coughing not only from the lack of air but the smoke as well, she leaned down and dragged me off the floor to a stand. I could hear over the raging flames hysterical laughter, Prosper standing as he held his burning self, laughing... Just fucking cackling away. The mask cracked away for the most part, his face scarred and unshaven. Those eyes illuminated by the flames, burning on the verge of crimson. His short hair curled forward over his forehead by a bit, the man wasn’t as pale as expected. That face… That fucking face just grinning away with a means to do harm. She teleported us out of the building, standing outside of it with me in the dirt she watched the building go up in flames.

We were gone again, within the parking lot of the park where the fireworks were taking place. It was empty stands still present along with the rides. She dropped me next to my car and halfway turned, looking down at me. I could practically feel the immense anger, disappointment and such coursing through her unseen stare. Then she was gone.

I pulled off the ground and unlocked the car, dragging myself into the backseat and locking the doors. I laid there for a few minutes trying to calm down before I got into the front seat and drove home. It was the hardest drive of my life; I had to pull over from breaking down or not being able to see when my vision blurred. By the time I got back to the mansion it was late, Mystery caught me trying to slink back in. I fell onto the slab and just laid there, she tried to console me but I didn't know where to start, what to say. She's so great, just like Billy... They would have gotten alone, I think... And that just made it worse. I curled up as just finally broke down; she stayed with me even if I barely said a word.

The next morning, today, or well... Monday morning I went back to the house, I found a newspaper on the counter. It had an article on the front page about the fire; they are blaming it on Billy. The fire, the lost stock, every bit of it is blamed upon him. His good name smeared, the only thing we all had left of him, his memory, was ruined.

I went into my room and pulled out a small box with old mementos. I shifted through some of the photos, the old objects. I sat against my bed and played with the old slinky, sliding it onto my wrist and putting away the box I went back to the mansion.

Is this how it's supposed to be? Everything... Just a mess all the time? My losses, god, I've been reduced to watch my own blood kin from afar. The only friends I remember spread out, one in another state, the other now apparently in Europe, and Billy... Dead. Trinity lost her brother, Mystery disowned her own family and they her, Lullaby ran from home, Drake lost Tikka, Blackwater guys and all they have gone through, Mr. Sunshine lost everything. Then there is Victor with his deceased wife and daughter, taken from him within his own time of suffering which has since then never decreased. Living on while those around you that you love and cherish pass away, and all that is ever left of them is a memory. Leaving flowers feels useless, they will never last. I want to lie beside his grave and pretend it's us four again laying in a row and trying to point out the different constellations. These connections are never lost over time; they go on with us and will die with us. Is this how you feel, Victor? What you felt when something that was cherished was torn from your grasp? It was expected from grandparents, when kin were badly ill, not that it felt any different. But Ron and Trinity-D's (as we have come to call the doppelganger) deaths, that of children, made things worse. And Billy...


I will fix this. I will...
I can't.
Oh god, I'm fucking useless.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't even kill the man that cut your life short.
This shield broke. It broke it fucking broke into so many goddamn pieces.
I failed.
I'm so fucking sorry.
I don't know what to do.
I don't.


  1. Shady, don't do this to yourself. Blame RoadRunner, blame Prosper, but not yourself. There's only so much one person can do,and it was not you who put Billy in danger. That was RoadRunner; that was Prosper.

  2. Now you have felt loss. Now you truly know of Pain.
    only now, you are ready to see.
    i will show you
    the true death of life

    in your hour of Dusk, when all light fails.
    twilight endless and deep
    i will come for you.
    we have only just begun.

  3. As Mystery said, don't blame yourself. I'm here if you ever need another shoulder to lean on.

  4. i'm sorry,i'm so sorry,Shady..
    and yea,please don't blame yourself,we all have our weakness,don't let it take over your head,what happened cannot be changed,unfortunately :/
    (sorry for being so heartless,but you really need to rose your head,and keep on going,and i know you'll do that.)
    that wasn't your fault,that was fucking Prosper fault,
    and don't blame yourself for not killing him,his time will come,and he'll gonna pay.
    i wish i could help you..i'll do whatever i can to help you here,i'll say the wind to always blow in your favor.
    you just got hold on and believe.

    cheers,take care.


  5. Not yet. Thank you.


    Thank you.


    Thank you.


    Come for me? Maybe.


    Not yet. Thank you.


    Not yet. Thank you.


    I've never had the chance to mourn past deaths out of my need to comfort those that suffered around me. There is no one here to comfort now. No friends of Billy's around to see. My time to mourn is now. Not yet. I will not direct blame. I'll save it and I'll harbor it and it will be my weapon. I'll blame when I am ready to act.

    Till then all the voices can shut the hell up. All. The. Fucking. Voices. Don'ttellmewhattodo.

    SHUT UP!